Hats, in my opinion, are objectively idiotic. I know it’s not fair to generalize, but I mean come on. People who wear hats seem to have a mission to be as obnoxious as humanly possible. What possesses a person to even consider wearing a hat? Think about it. Someone whose fully dressed made a conscious decision to take a hat and place it on their head. This did not happen on accident. This person has a plan, and it’s to be as immature and childish as possible.

Just think about it at an aesthetic point of view. The hat is a glaring piece of clothing that jets out on top of a person’s head begging to be noticed. People expect others to take view of their hat. They demand it! Why? Because the hat reflects that person’s personality. Think about it. What types of people wear hats? Come on, be honest. It’s mostly either rednecks or college-age hipsters.

Rednecks wear hats because they want desperately to be “ah cowboyaaaaah”. Seriously, just look at any country music video… if you can stand it, and it’s always a “good ole boy” wearing a hat next to a piece of shit pick-up truck. So, “them boys” walk around with their hats pulling up their store bought torn Levi’s chewin’ dip, like their daddyahs.

College age hipsters are on the opposite end of the annoyance spectrum. They listen to vinyl ironically and go out of their way to listen to the most obscure 60s folk bands ever. These hat -wearers do so because they want desperately to return to the time of their grandparents. Seriously, I’ve seen approximately 1.6 billion hipsters wearing fedora hats when I was in college’ I’m dead fucking serious.

And then theirs Trump! This MAGA bullshit is the apex of hat hatred. MAGA people, those wearing those fuckin’ hats, don’t give a shit about LGBTQ people, are afraid of “tha blacks” and take pity on the disabled. Wear that crown you devils! Wear your hat!