People that say they’re “in the friend zone” are deluding themselves into thinking they really want to be friends with that person. Now, I’m a man, so I don’t really know how it is on a woman’s perspective, or even if women even use the term “friend zone”. My criticism of this term is purely from a male’s perspective.
When a guy says he is in the friend zone, what he’s really saying is that he’s all salty that he isn’t able to inset his genitals into his “friend’s” genitals. At that point, does the guy really see her as a friend? It seems like the guy is just fixated on trying to fuck his “friend” and doesn’t care about anything else. That doesn’t sound much like a friend. It sounds more like the guy is just objectifying her.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have friends who are women and I’ve noticed they are attractive. But there’s a clear difference between noticing the aesthetic appearance of someone and simply objectifying them, stripping that person of all personality and seeing them as just a tool for sexual gratification. That’s what guys really do when they say, “she friend zoned me!”. If the guy only desires the woman just for sex, then there is no friendship, and saying that he’s “in the friend zone” is a clear indication that all that person cares about is having sex with his “friend”.
Of course, there’s always “friends with benefits”. But, even with those the friendship isn’t entirely based around sex. Both parties involved just feel comfortable enough adding sex to their friendship without fear of any complications. Now, if the woman decides she wants to end those benefits and the guy can’t even continue being friends with her, then he probably wasn’t even her real friend to begin with. It can be difficult being in a friends-with-benefits situation and remaining friends after the benefits have ended. But I feel that in a situation like that, both parties need to be honest with themselves and each other so that there’s no delusion of what could happen in the future.
One thing that irritates me is when guys say they’ve been “friend zoned” they make it sound like just being friends with a woman is a bad thing. It’s true that being friends with the opposite sex can sometimes be complicated, but it’s not impossible. I feel like it’s all based on a guy’s personality. I know for me I feel more comfortable talking with women because I feel like it’s easer switching between a serious, intellectual conversation to a silly arbitrary one. If a guy doesn’t want to be friends with a girl and he only wants sex, then he should be honest and not even play around with this “friend zone” nonsense. He should just cut his losses and move on.
I feel like everyone would be a lot happier if they were more honest with what they wanted and stop dragging their feet using terms like “friend zoned” when things don’t go their way. While a guy is being all gloomy that he’s being “friend zoned”, he’s probably missing out on a meaningful relationship with a girl who likes him enough to accept his genitals freely and openly!
I earned my M.A in English Lit from Gardner-Webb University in 2019. My writing mainly focuses on disability positivity. I enjoy sci-fi, fantasy and classic rock. Oh, and I’m also a part time phone sex operator. So, that’s a thing.