Why This Machine is the Dumbest Product Ever

Juicero is still the greatest example of Silicon Valley stupidity - CNET

Has technology really advanced too far? According to the IDC, humans spend almost $1 trillion on technology, but is it really being put to good use? To answer these questions, let us review what is likely the dumbest and most useless product on the market: the Juicero. It’s a machine that pours your juice: that’s it. It doesn’t make juice nor does it clean up: it simply pours juice, something almost any human being can do in 5 seconds. Here is the procedure:

According to reporter Timothy B. Lee, the Juicero itself costs about $400. After much controversy about the price of this machine, CEO Jeff Dunn defended his stance: “This product is really going to revolutionize the juice business”. Nonetheless, if any consumer is willing to spend $400 on the Juicero, the product will come in a hefty box weighing in at almost 30 pounds. After lifting the device out of the machine, you can begin the installation process.

The instructions in the manual are quite clear: “Plug in your Juicero and make sure the lights on the front of the machine flash a few times”. This could take up to 20 minutes but don’t worry: in the meantime, you can start to download the Juicero app that will take up almost 500 MB of storage on your IOS device. If you don’t have an IOS device then tough luck because this app is required for the Juicero to function.

Once logged on to the Juicero app, you must first “choose the wi-fi network you would like your machine to connect to, and then enter it’s password”, according to the instructions. Then, “locate the scanner and read the instructions for generating your QR code. Tap the button to generate your QR code. Turn your phone sideways and hold the QR code up to the scanner. You’ll hear a beep when it scans the QR code”.

The instructions continue, “Tap the button on your screen after you hear the beep. Your machine will now try to connect. This could take up to minute.” Hope you have strong, reliable wi-fi, otherwise this step could take longer. Regardless of the length of time, however, “when it connects, your app will update and the cloud light on the inside of your machine will turn white.” Assuming you understand where these parts on the device are located, you have finished connecting the machine to the Internet.

Now we can start enjoying our juice, right? Well, almost. The instructions then go on, “Remove your pack bundle from the packaging. Rip open the top of the bundle and remove the pack.” This pack contains a “special” type of juice created by Juicero themselves and tastes no different from any other juice brands. According to Dunn “The juice is made from pre chopped packages of fruits and vegetables”. In other words, it is no different from chopping up our own fruits and vegetables and putting them into a blender-a process which takes a maximum of 10 minutes. Bear in mind, we have spent over a half hour so far preparing our Juicero.

But let’s go back to the instructions: “Open your machine and place the pack inside. Make sure the spout of the pack hangs outside and below the door. Shut the door of the press. You will hear a lock after you close it.” If you don’t hear a lock, you may have to try balancing the thin pack on the machine again, which alone can take a few attempts.

Finally, “Place a tall glass under the machine and then press the button. In a few minutes, juice will start flowing out of the bottom of the pack. Your juice is ready when all of the noises stop and the light on the front of the device turn off.” We hope you used a glass that won’t overflow because there is no off button on the Juicero and the machine has no idea how tall the glass will be. At the end of the day, however, we can at least praise the instructions for ending with a warm, friendly conclusion: “Enjoy your juice!”

There you have it: a step-by-step tutorial of how to pour juice by using a Juicero. For a task that we could do in not even one minute, the Juicero can do in almost an hour. So if you want to waste your hard earned money on this useless machine, go right ahead. We will pass on the offer, thank you very much.

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