BY: Rochelle Jones

Single. The word itself packs a double-sided punch. There’s a sense of pride and excitement about being single. You’re independent; you don’t have to make decisions based on others. There are no birthdays, anniversaries, family gatherings, or holidays to stress over with your significant other. You have total authority over your own life. Yet, there’s also a weird feeling of being ashamed or feeling like you need to hide the fact that you’re single. The overwhelming sense of dread that comes from pushy parents and grandparents asking the same question when you see them, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “Have you met someone?” And friends that you haven’t seen in forever ask you right off the bat, “Are you dating anyone right now?” as if being single automatically comes with dating. 

Then there are the movies. You know the ones. The single girls are sex-crazed party animals who live life completely unhinged, unorganized, and with no regard for other people in their lives.  God forbid, if you’re single and not living life like those girls, then there’s something wrong with you, and you need to be “fixed.” At times, it seems like you have to be wild, selfish, and unforgiving to be single. Stuck in a world that only revolves around you. And any other way is the wrong way, and you’re automatically lonely and become a pity case for friends and family. All because you’re not living the single life the right way. I mean, if a person is casually dating multiple people at one time, yet still calling themself single, it’s not bad they’re just figuring things out, but if that same person chooses to live their own life without all the flings, then there lonely. Which raises the question of what does it mean to be single? 

According to Merriam-Webster, being single is defined as someone that does not have a romantic relationship with another person. However, most people in the world, not all, are single just to end up with someone else because they’re scared of being alone. They rely on any connection to avoid facing their flaws and problems. Whether it’s for a one-night stand, a passionate week-long romance, or a fling, it always ends up in a never-ending cycle of drama, failed expectations, and hoping that the next guy or girl can prove you wrong. 

See, while you’re filling up someone else’s time, even if it’s just for a phase in life, it doesn’t constitute being single. The act of being single comes from living life independently without the temptation of wanting to be with someone, whether it’s just for sex or a relationship. Valuing friendships and family while figuring out your likes and dislikes and simultaneously making memories to remember is what it’s all about. You see, there’s nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being alone; there is an absolute beauty and strength that comes with it because it allows you to do some much-needed soul searching. So, when you find yourself in a genuine relationship, later on, you’ll come into it with an open mind and soul, knowing who you are and what you want. And in the end, the only person to thank is you for allowing yourself to learn who you are at a time when you needed it the most.  

Reference: Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary for the word “single”; website: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/single

December 6th, 2021