In a city like Boulder, Colorado, a town I lived in for 11 years, where they boast that the sun shines nearly 300 days a week, it’s always a little strange when you can’t see the mountains behind the clouds. And, then, it’s such a revelation when they begin to lift and expose the glorious peaks. It was like I had never seen them before if we had several cloudy days in a row. You could almost forget just how majestic they are. In New York, my view is vastly different, yet just as striking. The other morning, as I was strolling along through the twists and turns of the BPC Esplanade, I couldn’t see the Statue of Liberty because of the heavy fog that had rolled in. Much like the disappearance of Lady Liberty or those glorious mountains in Colorado, I haven’t been able to see my own “bravery” because of my thick fog of insecurity. Am I brave? That is the question du jour. On Sunday, Ashay and I hosted a brunch for a couple of my old college friends. Over coffee and mimosas, I began to share our news that we had officially decided to let go of the Boulder home and dive fully into life in NYC. I also depicted how I was plotting to continue working as a choreographer and grow as a writer. Upon hearing this, Jimmy called me courageous. “Courageous or delusional?” I wanted to reply, but somehow I couldn’t say it because I didn’t want to admit how uncertain I really was. Instead, I laughed and sipped a little more mimosa.
Hours later, as the fog began to lift and I could start to see the outline of the Statue of Liberty, it made me understand something about life and the pursuit of happiness. Just seeing the faintest contour within the haze is akin to having hope that a goal you want to realize is there, tucked under water vapors, or condensation, or the weight of your own self-doubt. There are two cards that Ashay and I bought to send to Akasha. These cards have been sitting out on our counter, and though I need to get them in the mail, I’m enjoying reading them on repeat. One says, “You are one Bad Ass female,” and the second one posits this “It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. they went and out and happened to things.” (Leonardo DiVinci). I just need to be reminded of both of these thoughts. Fearless, badass, and thing doer!
Though it may sometimes feel elusive, it’s there – a mountain, a monument, or a monumental change in view that changes your life. You have to believe all will be revealed exactly as it is meant. Clear as crystal.
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