Unless you are a book boyfriend from any of the books I am reading, or Manny Montana or William Levy or Sebastian Stan or Jay Ellis or any of the hot men from HBO’s “Insecure,” please do not enter my vicinity. My department is closed, this mansion is unavailable. No, sir. No, thank you.
Not today, Satans. Not today.
I’m on an incredible journey with myself, one that will soon result in being a boss ass bitch with beautiful class and still probably no ass. Maybe that’s quite condescending or too exaggerated to say the least, but I’m continuously thriving, striving to become the best that I can be. I’m putting myself and my mental health first. I am loving myself, dating myself, and finally working to become comfortable and confident with myself and myself alone. This isn’t about if I am good enough for them, but if they are good enough for me. And please keep your thoughts, comments, and unsolicited opinions to yourself. Frankly, no one asked. I didn’t ask. Please don’t come into my aura and poke holes into its domain. I am no longer a man’s experiment; to toy with my emotions and wreak continuous havoc and chaos into my mind. I am no longer someone’s ploy or prey to make themselves look better, feel better, or reassure they are the predator. This isn’t your time to shine, my love.
I am not bitter (well, just a little) but my needs require my assistance, and I learned that I can only fulfill them, that I need to love myself based on the kind of love I’ve never received. I learned that feelings are not facts, and though my emotions are valid, they are not the evidence to my false beliefs. So please don’t tell me you love me based on a feeling, and a feeling alone. And please don’t disturb this peace, this journey of self-love to reserve your space in my garden for only malice and deceit. This time, I will not bend the rules. I will not forgive interruptions because I know nothing about your calling and who you present yourself to be. I will not cave or be blinded by lies and fabrications based on your own fucked up perception of love.
I have too much to lose.
I’m too valuable to take the risk.
But trust me when I say, I will grow and thrive and prosper and be the badass Blasian woman that I’ve known myself to be.
And only those who are worthy will have the privilege to see.