Swipe Your Way Through The Rest Of 2020

Do not judge me, or judge, whatever, but I have been a bit… bored… in quarantine… I have done what I swore I would never do and that is to sign up for dating apps. Yes, I know, I’m lame. I just wanted to talk to an adult human. Being home alone with my 4 tiny humans has been awesome. But even that bit of talking to adults that I would normally get in the store, or at a practice, that I haven’t had since March is starting to wear on me. Now, I’m not on them to look for a hookup, or even to find a husband. I wouldn’t even care if all that came out of it was a few drinking buddies for if we are ever allowed to leave the house again.

Now I downloaded what I thought would be standard, not so porny, regular people kind of apps. I did Bumble, Badoo, Hinge, and OKCupid. When I asked about ones that weren’t so hookupy, those are the ones that I was told would be better. Welp. I don’t know about that. I’ve had a few really fun… funny… weird… interesting, to say the least, things happen that I just felt I should share. I know I’m not the only lonely single mom, or single dad, or single person, that is sitting on their couch at 11:30 p.m. scrolling through their phone while watching a show they’ve seen three times already. So let me break down my adventures thus far.

So I had already downloaded Bumble to try to meet some girlfriends. About 95% of my friends moved all over the country and now live in different time zones. We text, send memes, even facetime when we can, but I was starting to want someone to see in person, face-to-face, at least every once in a while. So I thought I’d try that. For friends, Bumble is great. I’ve kept in touch with a few of the women I’ve met on there.

Bumble for dating actually is so far the best in terms of the least amount of creep. The guys on there are definitely more my type than on the other ones. They are overall more respectful, nicer, seem to be more honest as well. It’s pretty easy to use without needing to pay for anything, or have to sit through ads, or any of that.

That being said… I matched with this guy. We talked for a few days. It was cute, fine. In my profile it states that I have kids and do not want more okay. I also, twice, on different days, told him I have kids. He then asked if he could add me on FB. Fine, I literally never use that anymore, but knock yourself out. He immediately goes to add me, then messages me asking if in my profile picture those are my kids… buddy… So I jokingly said, “oh crap, do I have kids” to which he was like “oh, nieces and nephews”… So I had to reiterate, again, that yes, I have kids. SURPRISE! Haven’t heard back from him lol. Like… just… what the crap man. But whatever, it’s fine. If someone can’t see that I have thrice told them I have kids, then see a picture of said kids, and can’t even shoot me a “oh, no, I didn’t want to mess with kids” then by all means, bye Felicia. I wouldn’t even bring some rando I met online around my kids for a long, long time. Okay, so that was one fun story. I have another.

This Badoo app I was a little hesitant about because I had never heard of it before. You always see those commercials for Hinge, so you at least know it’s legit. It’s not a terrible app. They only give you a few days with all of the features, and then they take a few away to entice you to pay. Nope, nice try. I can do enough for free on it. The guys are a little more sketchy, a little rougher. There are still some good ones in there, but it’s more like department store shopping, you have to spend some time digging. So I’m not sure if it tells the guy when you don’t like him, or if you keep popping back up in their queue every time you say no, but this guy I had swiped no on a few times messaged me and said “you are not that pretty to be that picky”. Y’all. I laughed out loud so hard. First, he was definitely a 5 at best, and though I know I am not a 9, I’d say a solid 7.5, 8.5 if I really put effort in. I laughed so hard. I still chuckle about it. Did he think that approach would work for me to swipe on him? Did he really think he was helping me out? Does he think his visuals warrant a comment like that? Who are you dude to disrespect a woman you do not know like that? I’m not that person, but I wish I was the kind of woman to screen shot and put him on blast everywhere. I just deleted it but man. Good times. So OKCupid and Hinge are pretty similar. The guys aren’t bad. I’ve matched with a few but not gone far with any of them.

It’s fine. Again, I’m not trying to get married, just find someone who has matching insomnia patterns to maybe send memes with. I know I don’t have the worst or creepiest stories out there. I’ve only just started. When I gather a few more I’ll do a follow up for you! So yes, I will keep playing the game. It’s more humorous for me at this point anyway.

“You know, it’s dangerous for you to be in the frozen foods section – because you could melt all this stuff.” ~ My Blue Heaven

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