So, you met somebody. And maybe you weren’t expecting it at the time. You gave your heart so many chances to be rebuilt by past lovers who could barely hold a small piece that broke off from someone else before. You didn’t feel like trying for what seemed like the millionth time again only to predict for yourself what the outcome would be.
But, something in you told you it would be different. Something told you when you walked into that restaurant one Friday the thirteenth on a cold December night that there was magic in the air. That your heart could take what this person had in store for you because this time, it would be better. And then you saw him walk up to you, he only had eyes for you.
You talked for hours on that date until they were turning chairs over onto the table to give some indication the place was closing. But you didn’t notice. Already you were enamored by this person and so you did what you felt you had no choice to do. You gave in. You gave your all to him and more than you should’ve. But how were you supposed to know.
He’s everything you searched for in the eyes and hands of the other guys you gave a chance to. His smile was the type you wanted to play back in your head so you never forgot it. His laugh could make any bad day go away. And when his messages appeared on your phone you stomach released butterflies you thought dried out from your past.
You went on so many outings and dates it became routine for you to know what days were going to be spent with him. You knew which spot to run to when he said he was here. And when you saw his truck you didn’t hesitate to open it. You lived in a world that was made up and only seen through your rose-colored lenses, and you wanted to stay in that imaginary place forever.
But then things changed. You can’t really give a certain day or time when the love you gave him started to expire. When he got what he wanted and no longer needed what you were so willing to give. Because he made up his mind when he was done with you and didn’t feel the need to tell you. So you sat there in your room alone on a night you usually went out, but no messages came through. Suddenly they all stopped together. You don’t know what you did wrong, because for all your life you always assumed it was you. That you were the problem.
You allowed yourself to feel upset, to let all those emotions in. Because, to you at least, this felt like something. He didn’t feel like all the rest. But then you took the time to look back. To really allow yourself to look back at all those moments you two shared together and you started to realize something.
You realized his laugh much like his voice was condescending, not beautiful. His smile was hidden behind nothing but twisted and misconstrued lies and faults. His hands had other plans besides staying still. The back of his truck was the only place you became used to; it wasn’t romantic, you were a secret.
All the small gestures you mistook for loving were the bare minimum he could barely muster up to do. And when you saw all this you finally knew for the first time in your life. You knew that you deserved better. You knew your worth was more than being someones dirty little secret or second option. You finally knew after all these years that all those loves you considered great weren’t, not even close.
So, when a love fades or changes I want to remind you of something. I want to remind you that it was never your fault. Just because they don’t know how to handle someone they’d rather control and tame than let run wild and free does not give you permission to allow them to try in the first place.
So, go run, and never look back at a love that was only meant to serve you no more than the time they were allowed in your life.
Most likely writing in my journals or notes in my phone, burying my face in a book, at a concert, laughing or eating fries. Recent college graduate with a ridiculous dream of wanting to write for a living.