I realize as I’m writing this that my birthday is in 3 days. In 3 days I’m going to be turning 26. A new age,a new year, another chance to experience whatever life has to throw an offer to me.
If I’m being honest, I have some mixed thoughts on it.
A part of me wants to believe that as I’ve grown up I’ve come to the conclusion that I can never go back to that certain time in my life. A time I would want to escape for comfort or contentment because I was too afraid at the time to keep going forward. For fear that whatever was to come wasn’t going to be promised as easy or good.
But then there are times I’m sitting alone by myself or even out with friends where I consider the fact that we’re not the same people we used to be. We don’t have that same spark that once collected in the corners of our eyes and could shine so bright it blinded everyone who looked into them. That small determination we all possessed to keep going.
I used to have so much of that, but then I started getting older and sure, it’s still there. But it’s not like it used to be, not at all. And that terrifies me.
It scares me how much a person can change without them even realizing it. It kind of puts a knot in my stomach to look back at things from a decade or even a few years ago that didn’t seem that long ago to me in my mind. How fast time can go without giving us a warning. To just see us keep living and not knowing how much life is slipping away from us. How easily a moment can become a memory now.
Lately I’ve been doing my best to learn to live in the moment more. To really put all my senses into it and take it for what it is. Because before I know it, it will be gone.
I used to have a fear of growing up. I thought my timeline was trying to tell me who to be and what I needed to accomplish at this certain age and where I needed to be right now. I’ve put so much pressure on myself to be all these things life was telling me to be when I forgot how to live for me the whole time.
I don’t want to live like that anymore. I don’t want society to base our accomplishments on a number. I don’t want to be afraid to grow older because not everyone gets the opportunity to do that and it makes me feel selfish for taking it for granted and scaring it away instead of embracing it.
Because the fact of the matter is this: we’re all going to exit this earth one day, it’s up to you to make your time you’re allowed here worthwhile.
My great-grandmother lived to be 103. She had no health problems and had everything still when it came to mobility and her mind. My mom told me she’d have a glass of whiskey before she went to bed every night. I don’t know if that’s the key to staying alive, but it makes you wonder what life has in store for you.
And I can’t wait to keep figuring it out, for another year, and hopefully many more to come.
You see, once you start to see that age is just a number you’ll see the world a lot differently. Don’t be upset that you turned another year older, be grateful you get the chance to experience a new age, a new year,and another chance to experience whatever life has to throw an offer to you.
Most likely writing in my journals or notes in my phone, burying my face in a book, at a concert, laughing or eating fries. Recent college graduate with a ridiculous dream of wanting to write for a living.